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Losing Peace

February 22, 2013

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Do you ever notice those times in life when peace slips out of your grasp?

Maybe peace has never been weaved through your fingers in the first place, always just out of reach. Perhaps you looked for that feeling of peaceful bliss in places or in things where the only result was that it left you longing for more.

Something more.

More of something.

I’ve been there, to the land of more, and still return from time to time. I transform back into that person who is always “desperately seeking something”. The frustrating part here is that I know the peace, I know it well. But life gets so hectic that peace slips out from under me and gets lost in the shuffle. So I go forward, trying to find it in a quick fix, flying high on whatever compulsion suits my fancy that day.

Do you know how that feels?

For me it can be unnecessary shopping, escaping into romance novels, trying to find the magic happy pill at the doctor’s office, eating (too much), being a technology junkie, and the list goes on. But then God (figuratively) slaps me upside the head (of course figuratively, because I don’t really think He would necessarily slap me, bah!), but I can see Him saying: “LISTEN, Joy. Why are you filling yourself with these needless and pointless things that are dooming you to endless compulsion?”

Really, doomed to endless compulsion? Like, condemned to certain destruction or death…that kind of doomed?

Yup, that kind of doomed. Fill yourself with me, Joy. You know that MY love will strengthen you and fill your void.

Dear God,
I need help filling my heart with the capacity to love. I have strayed from you, again. None of these material compulsions are filling my most basic need. You, my relationship with you, Lord it is my most basic need. Only spiritual experience with you, Lord, can fix me in times that I lose peace. Help me, God, help me find my way back to that peace.

Thank you and, uh Amen.

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