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A New Day with Joy

December 31, 2011

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2012 is going to be my year. Bah! I say this every time the start of a new year approaches, actually. Well, I’ve said it the last two years anyway. I feel something different this year, though. My life is turning in a different direction, I feel different this time. This time when I say it, I feel it in my core – my soul -my heart.

2012 is going to be my year.

Yup. I definitely feel it. My heart knows it, and the dark space that had taken up occupancy in the cavity of my chest; it is slowly being replaced with the light.

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Yes. I know that life could be a lot worse, I know that the woes I experienced in 2011 pale in comparison to most of the worlds population. I have work, I have a nice home, I have food in my fridge, I have an iPhone for crying out loud, sheesh. What do I have to complain about? I need to be thankful. Even for the woes of 2011. So that’s what is going to happen right now, I am officially giving thanks for the sucky things that happened that have made me a better person right now.

2011 started on New Years Day (yes it did) and we all bid farewell to my Grandpa, whom I have been writing about. Later that month, I filed for divorce and as we were working on saving our marriage, my husband found out for sure that he was the father of a 13 year old girl. Then my stomach exploded and ulcers had been forming in my esophagus. Benign tumors were found on my liver, which just sucked! Drama was up in our house in a serious way.

In order to deal with the madness of this insane year, instead of turning to my faith and using the love from God as my foundation, I chose to medicate. My doctor gave me some happy pills that dulled my senses and turned me into a zombie – which is probably better than the high strung control freak I had turned into to. Most of these things happening were issues I could not possibly control. I had to come to terms with the fact that I can only manage myself. Then, once my husband and I turned back to our faith and put our trust in God, I started a new day:

Dear God,
“Thank you for this new day, it’s beauty and it’s light. Thank you for my chance to begin again. Free me from the limitations of yesterday. Today may I be reborn. May I become more fully a reflection of Your radiance. Give me strength and compassion and courage and wisdom. Show me the light in myself and others. May I recognize the good that is available everywhere. May I be, this day, an instrument of love and healing. Lead me into gentle pastures. Give me deep peace that I might serve You most deeply.”
In your name, amen!

So I give thanks for 2011 because all of that sorrow and anxiety is turning me into the person I am becoming, profound right? I know it sounds simple but some times it is the most difficult part of living. Turning the ugliness into beauty – giving thanks for the bad times as well as the good. The bad times and how we deal with them shape who we become; during those times do you choose to walk alone in the darkness or walk with God in the light? Can you give up your life and the control you hold onto and trust that our Lord will care for your soul? I have, and it feels amazing. Even for a wretch like me 😉

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Happy New Year, blogosphere. May 2012 be the start of a new day for you!

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. January 1, 2012 3:16 am

    God bless you and I am so happy to hear that you chose Him. His light does wonderful things in our lives doesn’t it?

  2. January 1, 2012 6:33 pm

    I am sorry for the loss of your grandfather. Keep writing about him, so his memory lives on. I wish you peace and health. I am so sorry for all your sickness and wish you only the best.
    Happy New Year and God bless you.

  3. January 4, 2012 9:09 pm

    What a transparent, honest post. Your prayer is beautiful. Thank you for sharing it. Today is a new day!

    • January 19, 2012 6:12 pm

      Thanks Aimee! Every day should be a new day…errr…right? HAHAHAHA!

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