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Forgotten Self Sitting on the Shelf

October 24, 2011

This is a post that comes from one of my ramblings that took place last week. I actually said the title of it a few days ago. You can find that here.

This is cool, I like that my bloggie is starting to tie itself together and is forming a kind of cohesive flow. Posts are starting to converge with each other like two streams, forming a massive blog river of words. Making my bloggie wog feel stronger. Maybe that’s me getting stronger. My bloggie and I are becoming one.

Sappy. Scary. Dripping and sticky.

But true.

I know I’m not alone in what took place with my forgotten self and my forgotten faith. Mothers and caregivers, careers and wives; who has time to focus on anything else? Life is busy and it’s easy to put your self and your spirituality last. Then, if you do take that necessary time to take care of your soul and your spirit and your self *gasp*, well, then you are labeled selfish. Like in the bad way selfish.

I did this for a very long time, I neglected my self and tucked my faith away because I was too busy taking care of everyone else. Being selfish isn’t bad if you are taking care of your self to make a better person emerge; a nicer mother; a more caring caregiver; a smarter business mind; a happy wifey; and most importantly being a blogger who has a sudden fascination with the semicolon being a fabulous faith centered self.

Here they are, a visual aid for you, so that you can be witness to my self and my faith all dusty up on that shelf.

Nice, right?

My priorities have shifted in life since the passing of my Grandpa (who had Alzheimer’s) last December. Then in January, my husband and I separated and are now working on our marriage (we had been separated for the beginning of this year). However, unlike before, I now put my faith in the center of my life, it is at the top of my list, it comes first. Next, on my list of priorities is myself. My self. Since I’ve been doing this, I find that everything else falls into place. It helps me process positively instead of reacting to life in all those negative ways. I can now handle life better when the bad stuff starts coming at me like a freight train. I hold the love from my faith in my heart and it lights the way.

It’s similar to that speech the flight attendant gives you about putting your mask on first if the plane goes down. You know the one, if you are traveling with children or someone who is dependent on you to survive – you are supposed to put on your mask before you put on their breathing device. It goes against all of your natural instinct, you should care for them first because they are unable to put it on alone. The dilemma here is that you can’t if you are unconscious from the change in cabin pressure and you don’t have on your oxygen mask. That’s what happened to me the last five years or so, I passed out – or checked out – I became emotionally unavailable. This is because I was giving my energy to everyone else in my life and ignoring my faith. Therefore, depriving my self the love I desperately needed for survival.

Now I’m writing and blogging and I can honestly tell you that it is 110% more effective than therapy. For me, anyway.

So, I’m getting a tattoo today. It will be to remind me to hold onto my faith and my self. It is for me. Let’s just leave it at that. Ha! Hallelujah for my randomness.

P.S. Sorry mom, since you are the only family member who regularly reads this blog, that you had to find out about the ink job on here. The tattoo is going to be beautiful and small-er. Smaller than the other ones. πŸ™‚

So, where do you fit on your list of priorities? How do you make time for your self?

11 Comments leave one →
  1. October 24, 2011 11:04 am

    Dear Joy,

    You’re on the right path. Good job and way to go with getting the tat. I’ll bet it will be perfect.



    • October 24, 2011 11:35 am

      Thanks Doug! I’m excited. Aloha πŸ™‚

      Sent from my iPhone

  2. Anita S permalink
    October 24, 2011 12:18 pm

    I am so glad you have discovered that taking care of your self first is a good thing, not bad. It’s absolutely essential, and I love your oxygen mask analogy. I’ve used that one in the past, too.
    Your post is an inspiration to me, reminding me that I need to stop trying to make other people happy all the time, and instead, focus on my needs. Only then can I help others.

    • October 24, 2011 12:21 pm

      Thanks Anita! When you are in the midst of caring for so many others, it is essential to care for self. Thanks for your comment!!

      Sent from my iPhone

  3. October 24, 2011 3:45 pm

    I think that you will find that the more time you spend with God, the more you will have available for everything else. It’s so hard to keep faith the number one priority, when the things that faith teaches us (like being loving, kind, hard working) sometimes sneak up the priority list and claim the #1 spot! Way to dust yourself off and re-prioritize πŸ™‚ I hope you put up a pic of that tattoo !!

    • October 24, 2011 3:47 pm

      Yes it does, Shannon. Very sneaky! I’m thinking I just may be posting the tattoo. It’s going to be cool! Thank you so much for stopping by πŸ™‚

  4. Schmuckatelli permalink
    October 24, 2011 6:37 pm

    “Don’t settle for walkin.” Lou Reed. We did a Honda commercial together in Norfolk Naval Station in 1975, after the war.

    • October 24, 2011 6:54 pm

      Nice, Mayorman! Lou Reed. Wow. Enough said.

  5. November 4, 2011 6:14 pm

    I can so relate to this post. I think you nailed it: many of us women readily let go of our identities to take on the “bigger responsibilities” of marriage and motherhood and career or whatever. Growing up/getting older has been a wake up call for me to reclaim who I was created to be in the fullness of the other roles I have assumed. It’s like a life or death decision for me.
    I blogged humorously about the facemask thing in this context of women literally putting themselves last. Here’s the link if you need a giggle:

    • November 4, 2011 8:56 pm

      Bahahahaha! Thanks Aimee, great laugh!

      Sent from my iPhone


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