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How Justifiable is YOUR Unforgiveness?

October 18, 2011

Forgiveness. This is a tough one.

How justifiable is your Unforgiveness, tough question but should be easy to answer.

I have been thinking about forgiveness lately and have been working on actually doing it; forgiving. At this point, I know what it is not and I’m gonna share. Cuz that’s what I do, so, without further ado. Forgiveness is not:

1. Forgetting. We’ve all been told to do it, “forgive and forget”, I know I have and it’s total bologna. If you forget what you are forgiving, well, you are liable to make the same mistake and will end up with the hurt again. So don’t forgive and forget — but don’t let it consume you either. Forgive and move on. Maybe, but what happened is not forgotten.

2. Forgiveness is not excusing bad behavior. You know what? What you did is not ok, but I forgive you and if you won’t own it…then I’m movin on. I’m not saying, “oh, it’s ok. No worries” anymore. But I’m not holding a grudge either.

3. It is not tolerance. I can forgive but I don’t have to accept what it is that you did to hurt me or piss me off. M-O-V-I-N on. Yup. Movin on.

So, how justifiable is my unforgiveness? It’s not, at all – then it usually turns into (da da da) hate. Ooooo. Aaaaa. Yea, the “h” word. Hate is that parasite that sucks the life out of us, it makes us sick. The only way to heal the hate is to forgive or you end up giving your power to the person(s) who hurt you the most. You give them the chance to live rent free in your head and your heart. Forgiveness sets you free, as the saying goes, it frees up that space the “renter” was occupying and you are more able to moooove on. Or maybe move on up, you know, to the top. In that de-lux apartment in the sky…called forgiveness.

The past is done, it’s history. You can’t change it – until time travel is available – but then you would still have to heal the hurt from back then and the only way to do that is through forgiveness. Or revenge – but that’s the easy road, and we all like to take that one – I mean we all have to take the road less traveled, er, it is hard to forgive. And revenge is sweet something that will suck the life out of you like that parasite called hate. They are like parasite cousins.

So, I choose forgiveness and my unforgiveness is completely not justified. But I’m human and I find myself visiting the past from time to time and then my victim-hood covers my head like my favorite hoodie. Then i start plotting and the passive aggressive starts turning on the engine and whoo hoo. Chuga chuga.

But I refuse to get stuck there because I can’t change the past, I can only change the way I think about it by not only forgiving the person who caused the pain. But by forgiving myself.

If we really want to love we must learn to forgive.
Mother Teresa

Amen Mother Teresa. Thank you.

7 Comments leave one →
  1. October 18, 2011 8:14 pm

    well said! I think I read the two posts in the wrong order, but the message is still clear. Our human emotions can truly knock us out of order if we let them, but this is where we get to embrace our crosses. Finding the hope in the midst of the chaos is one thing that helps me to “pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again”. Saints are just the sinners who fall down and get up. 🙂

    • October 18, 2011 8:44 pm

      Nice, VJ! Well said right back atchya! Thank you for reading today even though I screwed up by double posting today!

  2. October 19, 2011 8:08 pm

    Keep on keepin on. We can forgive much bc we have been forgiven much… It’s still hard to do sometimes.

    • October 19, 2011 9:05 pm

      Amen Aimee, a-to-the-men.

      Sent from my iPhone

  3. October 22, 2011 4:12 pm

    Reminds me of Joyce Meyer, have you heard of her? I used to listen to her a lot in my college years, and she would say, “unforgiveness is like drinking poison, hoping your enemy will die.”

    Thank you so much for stopping by my blog; I will be seeing you!

    • October 22, 2011 4:22 pm

      I haven’t heard of her, country wife but it is very true. This I know. Thaks to you for stopping by and hope you come back!


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