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Transidental Transcendence in the Trenches of Alzheimer’s Disease

October 10, 2011


A state of being or existence above and beyond the limits of material experience.

Transcendental Transcendence Ok, woah. This might be a bit too much. How can I go from fluff to this in a matter of a day, you may be asking yourself. Um – cuz I have issues. Well, that and I just plain old like the title of this post. I mentioned in a previous post, that you can find here, that it is important to show some form of transcendence toward the end of your memoir.

Throughout the book, My Universe Came Together While it Was Falling Apart, I refer to my trenches as an abyss. We had several abysses (oh, abysses sounds so wrong) but we had quite a few opening up all the time in our house. Alzheimer’s was only one chasm that had a tendency to swallow me up. Marriage, parenting, then the depression, followed closely by burnout, and then separation of marriage and paternity issues for my husband and *gasp* being called stepmom – we had some serious dark space going on in the house. See, the problem with me and transcendence is that all those problems would start little fires on my back burners. I was queen bee at pretending everything was fine. Actually, when I tell someone that I’m fine, it has the potential to mean that I am up to my ears in a back burner fire. Either that or I’m becoming trapped under my rug that I keep sweeping everything under. So, transcendence, it should be simple to show this to the reader. Right?

I have had nowhere to go but up and out of the trenches since December 26th, 2010. That is the day Alzheimer’s exited my universe, and then my abyss swallowed me up whole, leaving me trapped in the darkness with just me, myself, and good ole I to think about. It had been so long since I took care of those guys, I kinda forgot how.

My transcendence has been fun to write about, finding the light within has been a journey. I’m getting better at letting it all hang out, opening my heart that is becoming lighter. The darkness that used to occupy it’s chambers is being replaced by the shine of grace.

And that feels amazing for a wretch like me. ๐Ÿ™‚

20111010-092250.jpg Here is that picture my daughter made yesterday with light inside her heart out in the universe. It is my favorite new piece of art.


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